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这样的第一和第二人称。] often meet a question, [前边的question和后边的which名词从句应该是同位语的关系,不应该用逗号隔开。] which factor is more important to success, diligence or opportunity? I have to admit [语言不正式] that besides diligence, opportunity is one necessary condition for success. But people [典型错误] should keep trying and never give up until one good chance come[主谓语不一致.] In this thesis, I choose [语言不正式] diligence and explain why it is more important than opportunity. Some students discontinue their studying[词类和拼写错误,应该用study。此处最好用their college education。] to create their own business. We[人称] rebutted[时态错误] this view in this paper and give reasons for that [从句连词应用错误] why students should learn more knowledge and stay in school. Then we[人称] have some advises[不可数名词,词类拼写错误advice] about how should students study[从句词序错误。不应该用疑问句的词序] and what to do to prepare for the opportunity in the future. At last, I talk about [语言不正式]four changes of our country's policy[没有注意可数名词单复数变化] which had brought[时态错误。看不出为什么要用过去完成时态] people lots of opportunities and the situation we are in. 从这个例子中可以看出,不仅出现了与主题思想无关的内容(如前两句),而且采用了非正式语体,还出现了许多比较低级的语言表达方面的错误。 改进:
In the discussion about success, a question may inevitably arise: which factor is more important to success, diligence or opportunity? It can be admitted that opportunity is one necessary condition for success. But one should keep trying and
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never give up until a good chance comes. This thesis tries to explain why diligence is more important than opportunity and gives reasons why students should stay in school and try to learn more knowledge. Some advice is offered about how students should study and prepare for the opportunity in the future. Four changes of our country's policies are discussed, which have brought about lots of opportunities and the may further change the situation.
例二
ABSTRACT
The purpose of the paper is to uncover the adverse impacts of the Internet that are glowing every day and give readers some advices on how to overcome the disadvantages of the Internet. Through compared with the active influences and the adverse impacts of the Internet, Naturally we can draw a conclusion that too much information provided by the Internet does no good for people. So it is time we should strength the management of the Internet, reduce useless things and classify the information in rational and healthy ways. Actually, measures have already been taken right now. 点评:
The purpose of the paper is to uncover the adverse impacts of the Internet [that are glowing every day](多余,累赘。) and [give readers](对于一篇论文来说,这
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样的表达不正式) some advices(advice不可数名词) on how to overcome the disadvantages of the Internet. [Through compared with](结构错误。through sth通过什么途径或手段。by doing sth通过做某事。当句子的主语承受compare这个动作时,用compared with短语,表示“与什么相比较”。若句子的主语发出这个动作,应该用comparing A and B表示“将A与B比较”。) the active(选词错误。表示“有积极意义的”应该用positive。) influences and the adverse impacts of the Internet, Naturally(大小写错误。此处应该用小写)[ we can draw a conclusion](不正式。为了客观,在论文中应该尽量避免用第一或第二人称。) that too much information provided by the Internet does no good for people.(people典型错误) So it is time [we should strength](strength词类错误。句型结构错误。这个句型应该是It is time that sb did sth 或It is time (for sb) to do sth) the management of the Internet, reduce useless things and classify the information in rational and [healthy ways.](道理不通。对于给信息分类来说,方式way无所谓“健康”。) Actually, measures have already been taken right now.(此句不妥。作为一篇论文,此处不应该是描述已经采取的措施,而应该是评论已经采取的措施或探讨需要采取的措施)
改进:
以下仅对表达方面的错误加以改进:
The purpose of the paper is to uncover the adverse impacts of the Internet and try to explore the possible ways to overcome the disadvantages of the Internet. By comparing the positive influences and the adverse impacts of the Internet, it can be concluded that too much information provided by the Internet may do much harm
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instead of good to common people. So it is time to strengthen the management of the Internet, reduce useless things and classify the information rationally.
例三
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At present, college students are confronted with study pressure, employment pressure, economy pressure and human relations pressure. The mental problem is increasing under all of these pressures and then having affected the health of the college students. So does their personal training. Analyse the current situation of college students' psychological quality and the factors that influence it and resolve all of the problems, it is of important significance. 点评:
除了存在一些结构和词语方面的基本错误以外,这个ABSTRACT没有真正概括出全文的中心内容,没有说明作了什么样的分析,采用了什么样的理论或方法,提出了什么样的结论、建议或解决方案。 改进:
At present, college students in China are confronted with various pressures, which have directly affected their mental health. (提出subject)The thesis presents a description of the situation, and, based on the recent research results on the subject, offers an analysis on the factors concerning the psychological problems of college
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students, and tries to explore the possible solutions to the mental strains that college students are faced with. (说明本文所采用的方法及所做的主要工作)
例四
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ABSTRACT
This paper mainly discussed the globalization. It contents six parts. With the development of the economy, globalization beomce the inevitable trend. The definition and feature of globalization introduced at the beginning of the paper. The first part is how to view globalization.
The features of globalization is free flow and optimized allocation of capital, technology, information nad service. The third part is China's experience, in this part, several solutions are summerized to turn challenges into opportunies.
The fifth part is China's contribution to world economy, such as provide the world with the large rising market. The last part is the blueprint for future development. Opening the country to the outside world is China's basic and long-term state policy, then discussed the develop objective of several fields such as economic cultural and political and so on. 点评: