Short stories by Mark Twain
Luck 2
Well, all through his studies, I stood by him, with the feeling a mother has for a disabled child.
And he always saved himself by some miracle.
I thought that what in the end would destroy him would be the mathematics examination.
I decided to make his end as painless as possible. So, I pushed facts into his stupid head for hours.
Finally, I let him go to the examination to experience what I was sure would be his dismissal from school. Well, sir, try to imagine the result.
I was shocked out of my mind. He took first prize! And he got the highest praise.
I felt guilty day and night — what I was doing was not right. But I only wanted to make his dismissal a little less painful for him. I never dreamed it would lead to such strange, laughable results.
I thought that sooner or later one thing was sure to happen: The first real test once he was through school would ruin him.
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Short stories by Mark Twain
Then, the Crimean War broke out. I felt that sad for him that there had to be a war.
Peace would have given this donkey a chance to escape from ever being found out as being so stupid.
Nervously, I waited for the worst to happen. It did. He was appointed an officer. A captain, of all things!
Who could have dreamed that they would place such a responsibility on such weak shoulders as his.
I said to myself that I was responsible to the country for this.
I must go with him and protect the nation against him as far as I could. So, I joined up with him. And away we went to the field.
And there — oh dear, it was terrible. Mistakes, fearful mistakes — why, he never did anything that was right — nothing but mistakes. But, you see, nobody knew the secret of how stupid he really was.
Everybody misunderstood his actions. They saw his stupid mistakes as works of great intelligence. They did, honestly!
His smallest mistakes made a man in his right mind cry, and shout and scream too — to himself, of course.
And what kept me in a continual fear was the fact that every mistake he made increased his glory and fame.
I kept saying to myself that when at last they find out about him, it will be like the sun falling out of the sky.
He continued to climb up, over the dead bodies of his superiors. Then, in the hottest moment of one battle down went our colonel. My heart jumped into my mouth, for Scoresby was the next in line to take his place. Now, we were in for it.
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Short stories by Mark Twain
The battle grew hotter. The English and their allies were steadily retreating all over the field.
Our regiment occupied a position that was extremely important. One mistake now would bring total disaster.
Luck 3
And what did Scoresby do this time — he just mistook his left hand for his
right hand… that was all.
An order came for him to fall back and support our right. Instead, he moved forward and went over the hill to the left.
We were over the hill before this insane movement could be discovered and stopped. And what did we find?
A large and unsuspected Russian army waiting!
And what happened — were we all killed? That is exactly what would have happened in ninety-nine cases out of a hundred.
But no — those surprised Russians thought that no one regiment by itself would come around there at such a time.
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Short stories by Mark Twain
It must be the whole British army, they thought.
They turned tail, away they went over the hill and down into the field in wild disorder, and we after them.
In no time, there was the greatest turn around you ever saw. The allies turned defeat into a sweeping and shining victory.
The allied commander looked on, his head spinning with wonder, surprise and joy.
He sent right off for Scoresby, and put his arms around him and hugged him on the field in front of all the armies.
Scoresby became famous that day as a great military leader — honored throughout the world.
That honor will never disappear while history books last.
He is just as nice and pleasant as ever, but he still does not know enough to come in out of the rain.
He is the stupidest man in the universe.
Until now, nobody knew it but Scoresby and myself.
He has been followed, day by day, year by year, by a strange luck.
He has been a shining soldier in all our wars for years. He has filled his whole military life with mistakes.
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Short stories by Mark Twain
Every one of them brought him another honorary title. Look at his chest, flooded with British and foreign medals.
Well, sir, every one of them is the record of some great stupidity or other. They are proof that the best thing that can happen to a man is to be born lucky.
I say again, as I did at the dinner, Scoresby's a complete fool.
The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County 1
A friend of mine in the East asked me to visit old Simon Wheeler, to ask about my friend's friend, Leonidas W. Smiley.
I did as my friend asked me to do and this story is the result.
I found Simon Wheeler sleeping by the stove in the ruined mining camp of Angel's.
I saw that he was fat and had no hair, and had a gentle and simple look upon his peaceful face.
He woke up, and gave me \good-day.\
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马克吐温短篇故事集
