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盐城市中考英语满分作文评析
作者：许友国
来源：《初中生(三年级)》2005年第08期
一、作文要求：
下列图表是对初三（1）班50名同学零花钱（pocket money）支出最多项目的调查结果统计，请用英语写一篇80词左右的短文，简要说明图表内容，发表个人看法，并提出建议。
二、命题目的:
该题旨在通过一份有关学生零花钱支出项目的调查结果统计表，要求学生运用所学英语知识对该图表所反映的内容作简要的说明，并发表自己的看法，提出建议。该题既考查学生的语言基本功，又考查学生的识图能力和判断力，联系了学生的生活实际，具有一定的开放性，能拓展学生的思维空间，激发他们的表达欲望。 三、例文评析:
以下是2004年盐城市两篇满分中考英语作文: 作文一
PocketMoney
This diagram shows how the students in Class 1，Grade 3 use their pocket money.There are 50 students in this class.Most of them use their pocket money to buy fast food.Many of them spend their money in playing computer games.Some of them spend the pocket money buying presents，seeing films and buying clothes.Only a few students use their money to buy books.I don’t think that it is good for us students to use our pocket money to buy fast food and to play computer games.I think it’s a waste of money.As students，we should spend more money in buying books and useful things.And we must try our best to save money and use them to do something useful to our family and the society.
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该作文之所以得了满分，是因为它有如下特色：
1.作者审题仔细，能紧紧抓住命题者对考生提出的写作要求，从图表内容的说明、个人看法和建议三个方面行文，结构合理，层次分明；
2.作者能紧扣图表内容，正确地阐述图表所要表示的含义并针对零花钱的支出发表自己的看法，提出积极的建议。
3.most of them，many of them，only a few，and，as students，something useful，spend...in doing...等词的运用也为这篇作文增色不少。
4.更为可贵的是作者能大胆运用一些复合句表达自己的思想，如This diagram shows how...，I don’t think that...等含有宾语从句的主从复合句等，充分展示了该考生坚实的语言基本功和驾驭语言的能力。 作文二
How to Use Our Pocket Money
Do you have any pocket money? If you have got any pocket money，what are you going to do? Are you going to buy any books? Are you going to use it to buy fast food? Or are you going to ... Here is a diagram about how the students of Class One，Grade Three use their pocket money. About 25 students use the pocket money to buy fast food.About 10 of them spend their money playing computer games.About 4 of them use the money to buy presents for their friends.Three spend the money in seeing films and two use the money to buy clothes.Only 6 students spend their pocket money in buying books.This diagram shows that many students don’t use their pocket money
correctly.They spend too much money on fast food，computer games and so on.Only a few spend the pocket money on something useful.I think this is bad for us.We are only students.(1)We can’t make money by ourselves.We get all the money from our parents.We should know it’s not easy to make money.So we should use the money to buy useful things like books and so on.We can use the money to help (2) the children who can not go to school and the poor people.
该考生首先以问句的形式引入所要讨论的话题，一开头就紧紧抓住读者的视线，激活读者的思维，引发读者对如何使用pocket money 的思考。接下来作者以数字的形式对图表进行了具
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体说明，分析了该班同学零花钱的使用情况，从而得出一个结论：...many students don’t use their pocket money correctly.接着，作者就如何使用零花钱提出了自己的看法和建议，尤其是 “We can use the money to help the children who can not go to school and the poor people.”这句话使得该文的思想内涵提升了一个档次，体现了小作者关心他人、关注社会公益事业的品质。整个作文行文流畅，一气呵成，用词得当，充分反映了作者的语言基本功和运用语言表达思想的能力。当然，如果在（1）句中的We后加上still，把（2）句改为the poor and the children who are too poor to go to school就更好了。总之，该文不失为一篇满分作文。 四、作文高分小技巧： 1.仔细审题，明确文章体裁； 2.准确使用时态，注意前后一致； 3.列出写作提纲，选好备用词汇； 4.打好草稿，反复润色修改； 5.认真誊写，字迹要工整。
盐城市中考英语满分作文评析
