7. 所有这一切都似乎对孩子们产生了深刻的影响。通过比较二十世纪七十年代中和二十世纪八十年代末美国孩子的表现, 奥肯博克发现后者比前者更冲动、更叛逆。许多专家认为，核心家庭的紧张与忙碌，使得培养出来的孩子能给计算机编程却不懂得写封感谢信。
8. 也有一些父母尽心尽力教导自己的孩子要有礼貌，但他们却吃惊地发现，家庭外所发生的事情轻而易举地就把他们的所有努力化为泡影了。亚利桑那州斯科斯岱乐市的利恩?艾库特对这一点非常了解。有一天，她11岁的男孩发现他姐姐在他房间里使用他的电话时说：“把电话挂了，”他大声嚷嚷，朝她骂下流话。艾库特赶快跑到她儿子的房间。“你无权这样对你姐姐讲话，”她斥责他说。男孩耸耸肩，辩解说他有一个朋友在和母亲争吵时也用这种下流话骂她。艾库特坚决地说：“在我们这个家里绝不能说脏话。” 9. 尽管父母无法让自己的孩子免受外界的影响，但专家们认为，父母只要有耐心、有毅力，就能做许多事来使得自家的孩子在这个充满野性的世界里变成完美的人。 树立一个好榜样
10．有一天，当一个十六岁的佛罗里达州女中学生练完排球回家时，她显得忐忑不安。“出什么事了?” 她母亲问道。女儿解释说，教练选择了其他女孩子而不是选择她最好的朋友参加校队，她朋友的母亲大发雷霆。在开车回家的路上, 她母亲火冒三丈, 当着女孩子的面, 一边诅咒一边用各种脏话谩骂这位教练。
11．许多家长都似乎是采取一种“不管对错，都是自家孩子好”的态度，其结果往往是破坏性的。“作为父母，这意味着自己已经成熟，能够帮助孩子适应各种不如意。”艾库特说，“当自己的孩子不是得到第一名时，父母亲如果不能接受这个事实，那么他们就等于发出了这样一个信息，即当你受挫时，你责备挫折的原由而不是寻找解决的办法。”一些家长不但没有鼓励孩子努力学习，争取好成绩，反而责怪老师。孩子违犯了校规，他们不但没有责罚孩子，反而攻击校规。
12．专家们说，最好的教训是教导孩子们，虽然他们不能每次都控制住结果，但是却能够控制住自己的反应。仅仅意识到礼貌问题是不够的，孩子们必须学会要将礼貌表现出来。《礼仪小姐》的专栏作家朱迪思?马丁说，讲礼貌不是简单地说“请”和“谢谢”就行了，而是要不自吹自擂、不背后骂人，要赢得光彩、输得体面，要尊重每一个人。
13．当然，如果做父母的脾气乖戾、对人苛刻而粗鲁的话，那么怎么训练孩子也难使得他们讲究礼貌。这就是为什么专家们认为教育孩子讲礼貌最好的办法就是作为父母者自己要有礼貌。
14．父母要特别注意不要信口开河，以免日后惊讶地发现同样的话在孩子们的口中说出来。假若妻子叫丈夫闭嘴，父亲骂邻居笨蛋，那么他们的孩子也会用同样的方式和他们说话。 15．“如果我们自己都不表现出彬彬有礼，怎么期望孩子们会彬彬有礼呢？”礼仪作者兼“举止女士”专栏作家玛丽?米切尔说。
鼓励和赞扬
16．“你这个垃圾虫，从不打扫房间。”“赶快写感谢信，要不你别看电视。”“你竟敢朝我提高噪门说话。”大多数父母都对孩子们说过这样的话。他们的用意是想让孩子改正自己的行为。但为什么却偏偏一点效果也没有呢?
17．孩子的粗鲁行为常常是不在意的结果, 而不是出于故意。动辄批评、咒骂和大声命令，只会让孩子生气和心存戒备。父母们强化了这种观念：不施压，孩子是养不成好行为的。 18．有一种方法比较好，耶鲁大学心理学家艾伦?卡兹丁称之为鼓励和赞扬。父母事前用平和的语气告诉孩子他们希望他怎么做：“今天我们要去拜访玛丽阿姨，如果你能在进门时跟她握手，并在吃饭时帮她拉出椅子，我将为你感到很自豪。”事后还要表扬孩子：“我真的很喜欢你跟阿姨握手和帮阿姨入座的样子。”卡兹丁说：“经常给予孩子鼓励和表扬，到一定时
药学与生物工程学院研究生学生会编辑2011.6.14
候，你就不用鼓励，只需表扬就行了。” 19． 但是要是孩子做出了无礼的行为又怎么办呢？“用家规来批评孩子，改正错误，” 礼仪顾问琼?霍珀建议说。每个家庭都应该有一些大家都认可并愿意遵守的基本规矩。
20．所以不要说：“你怎么这么不懂礼貌，不要把胳膊肘放在餐桌上。”而是父母一方简单地说：“我们的家规是不能把胳膊肘放在餐桌上的。”批评要对事而不对人，从而孩子不会产生防御心理，改正错误的要求听上去也不像是一种命令。 21．用这种办法进行批评往往很有效。康涅狄格州西哈特德市15岁的埃伦?威克斯就是例证。每天早上，她的父母或她朋友的父母总会开车送她们几个孩子去上学。上车时，埃伦总是一声不吭地一头扎进后座，一言不语地坐着，抵达学校后匆匆下车。
22．有一天早上，其中一个女孩的父亲在开车，当埃伦跳上汽车后，他就转过头去问：“怎么没人对我问?早安?？”“我以前从来没有从他的角度去考虑过这个问题。”埃伦承认说：“我很高兴他告诉我们他的感受。”现在她和其他孩子们只要一上车就会说：“早上好”。 共进晚餐
23．科雷特?杰斐逊一家的情况跟美国许多家庭一样。他们住在西弗吉尼亚州韦斯顿市，有两个孩子，作为家庭主妇的她常常没有足够精力将一家人协调好，坐在一起吃个晚餐。8岁的儿子要打垒球和踢足球，而她丈夫一周要有两个晚上参加联赛。“相聚在一起吃晚饭很重要，”她说：“但是我到现在还无法做到这一点。” 24．专家们说，每天半小时到一小时全家坐在一起也许是父母能为孩子们做的最重要的事情。“合作、守时、谈话技巧以及尊重他人等都是坐在餐桌旁学会的，”礼仪教师蒂法尼?法兰西斯说。
25．即使一家人不能每晚在一起吃饭，至少他们应该一周相聚一到两次。这意味着接通录音电话和关闭电视机。“作为一家人来说，晚餐时间不仅仅是吃东西而且还是分享一天的活动，”玛丽?米切尔说。此时此刻，父母亲和蔼地将他们的价值观和道德观传授给孩子们，而又不让人感觉是在说教。 培养仪式
26．尊重他人、为人谦虚和公正无私等种种品质，只能产生自日积月累的技能，而这些技能是父母对孩子们多年来通过共同的经历和回忆所教导出来的。孩子成年时，如果回忆中只有电视、“小棒球队”和生日聚会的话，那么当真正考验人的品格的时候，这些孩子就没有什么东西可以依托了。“除非孩子们知道自己是谁、来自什么地方，否则，一切都是装出来的，”礼仪专家贝蒂?乔?特拉基玛斯说。 27．印第安那州卡美尔市的迪克迈耶夫妇将每周五晚上定为和三个孩子们共度“家庭夜”的时间。一家人常常玩跳棋或者玩捉迷藏游戏。“孩子们喜欢?家庭夜?，”孩子的母亲特里萨说。 28．玩捉迷藏游戏真地能教会孩子们懂得礼貌吗？特拉基玛斯和其他一些人认为，这是毫无疑问的，因为这将告诉孩子们，父母是关心他们的，愿意花时间陪他们玩。孩子们得到了爱，也将学会去爱他人。“讲究礼貌不是关于正确地使用叉子的问题，”礼仪教师帕特里夏?吉尔伯特欣兹同意这种说法，“讲究礼貌是关于为人友善的问题——会向人问候、与人合作并且乐于奉献。而这一切，孩子都是从父母身上学得的。 29．孩子们不会自动激起学习讲究礼貌的热情，可他们也没有理由把礼貌看作是一大堆烦人的条条框框。良好的行为举止是儿童教育的基本构件。“一旦规则成了第二天性，它就赋予我们自由了，”米切尔说，“如果迈克尔?乔丹要不断地提醒自己注意有关篮球的规则，他怎能把球打好呢？”
30．朱迪斯?马丁赞同这一观点。“一个有礼貌的孩子长大成人后，能够结交到朋友、有约会可赴、有工作可选，”她说，“因为人们会对良好举止给予回报。良好的举止是全人类行为的共同语言。”
药学与生物工程学院研究生学生会编辑2011.6.14
＜ 完 ＞ Unit 7 Text
A Son?s Restless Journey (excerpt) Evan Thomas and Martha Brant
1. Bush today insists that he had a great time at Yale and doesn?t recall any unpleasantness. But somewhere along the way he developed a sizable chip on his shoulder. He would later carp about the “self-righteousness” and “intellectual superiority” of the East Coast liberal establishment that took over institutions like Yale in the ?60s. As early as 1964, he had a run-in with one of the avatars of the new order, the Rev. William Sloane Coffin, the Yale chaplain who had turned on his own Andover-and-Skull-and-Bones past to become a fiery radical, advising students to resist the draft. Bush bitterly recalled Coffin?s telling him, after his father had lost the 1964 Senate race in Texas to Ralph Yarborough, “I knew your father, and he lost to a better man.” To Bush, Coffin embodied the “heaviness” and “guilt” of the liberal East.
2. At a time when Yale students agonized endlessly over what to do about the draft, Bush does not appear to have talked much about his own choice. To volunteer for Vietnam would have required an act of boldness and outright defiance. Seeking battle was almost unheard of among undergraduates: it was said that more Yale students were dying in motorcycle accidents than in combat in 1969. At the same time, according to his Yale friend Roland Betts, Bush did not want to politically embarrass his father. Bush Jr. took a respectable but easy way out, joining the Texas National Guard.
3. Bush seems to have been somewhat bored and restless after college, finding only limited meaning in learning how to fly obsolete jets (F-102s) for the Texas Guard. He tangled with his father one night after driving, drunk, into some garbage cans outside their house in Washington. “Want to go mano a mano? “ Bush challenged his dad. The father did not need to fight his son. The mere utterance of the words “I?m disappointed” was chilling to the younger Bush, who still visibly winced as he recalled his father?s quiet scorn in an interview with NEWSWEEK. Barbara Bush said that her husband often gave the children the “silent treatment” when they misbehaved, peering over his reading glasses with cold disapproval. Still, the father gave his children room to grow up on their own. When George W. obtained his driver?s license, his father was willing to let him drive from Texas to Maine, despite Barbara?s strong misgivings. The Bush children “knew their father trusted them and their mother didn?t,” Mrs. Bush archly recalled with a laugh.
4. Determined to make it on his own, Bush did not tell his father that he was applying to Harvard Business School. The “West Point of Capitalism” was not inundated with applicants in the anti-business early ?70s, so Bush got in, despite mediocre grades that kept him out of his first choice of grad schools, the University of Texas Law School. Bush posed as a redneck rebel at Harvard, wearing his National Guard flight jacket and cowboy boots and chewing tobacco as he sat at the back of the class, spitting into a paper cup. But he showed early signs of the self-discipline that would become more characteristic as time went on. He kept up with the grueling casework, particularly in a course called Human Organization and Behavior. Here were formal lessons in organizing and managing people that Bush had only intuited as an Andover cheerleader. He developed his basic approach to leadership at Harvard?s training ground for future CEOs. The essence was to think Big Picture, don?t get caught in the details, delegate and decide. Bush whizzes through briefing books today, preferring to listen rather than read, but his friends
药学与生物工程学院研究生学生会编辑2011.6.14
rvard education.
5. Bush hardly mentions Harvard today. He loathed what he saw as the university?s liberal, intellectually pretentious atmosphere. On weekends at the home of his aunt Nancy Ellis, who lived in Boston, Bush railed against the “smugness” of Cambridge. He pined to get back to Texas. While Bush?s classmates headed for Wall Street, Bush went to look for a job in the oil patch, again following his father, whose portrait hangs in Midland?s Petroleum Hall of Fame.
6. Bush has talked incessantly about the “entrepreneurial” spirit of Midland, where a geology degree from the University of Oklahoma counted for more than a Harvard or Yale education, and Andover was scoffed at by his friends as “Bendover.” But Bush was hardly self-made. In many ways, he found sanctuary in Midland, where his old friendships and connections made for a much easier, safer life than bucking the Eastern intellectual snobs. He likes to praise the risk-taking gumption of the oil “wildcatters,” but Bush himself got most of his seed money from his father?s friends and old Skull and Bones mates. He was a fairly cautious oilman. He drilled near unlucky. Unlike his father, who arrived in Texas during a boom time and rode the wave, Bush suffered some serious downturns in the business and had to put up with friends calling his business, Arbusto Co., “Ar-bust-o.”
7. The ?70s and early ?80s are seen as Bush?s years in the wilderness, a time when he was drifting about in a sort of restless, perpetual adolescence. He certainly dressed like a sophomore, shuffling around town in Chinese slippers and his friends? castoff clothes. “If you were going to throw a shirt away, he?d say, ?Hey, are you getting rid of that?? “ recalled a buddy, Charlie Younger. Bush liked to down beer around the barbecue. Yet he had a goal. He seems to have sensed from the beginning that politics was his calling. He toyed with running for Congress from Houston in 1971 until his parents and other wiser heads discouraged him, and he mounted an uphill campaign for the House of Representatives in 1978. He lost, narrowly, to Kent Hance, a good ole boy who made fun of Harvard and Yale and Bush?s fondness for jogging. “I got out-countried, and it?s not gonna happen again,” says Bush, who has since been known to act like he has a “chaw” in his cheek. 8. Bush ran without any particular qualifications beyond his last name. He was somewhat oblivious to the political power of his family ties. At Andover, he never boasted about his family?s prominence, but when a friend expressed surprise at learning that Bush?s grandfather was a U.S. senator, Bush said with a shrug, “I thought you knew that.” Before his ?78 congressional race, he went to a “candidate?s school” set up by the Republican Party. David Dreier, now a Republican congressman from California, recalls young Bush?s telling him excitedly, “I?ve got the greatest idea of how to raise money for the campaign. Have your mother send a letter to your family?s Christmas-card list. I just did, and I got $350,000!” It doesn?t seem to have occurred to Bush that not everyone has Barbara Bush?s Rolodex full of senators and statesmen and GOP fat cats.
9. For all his late-night carrying on in this period, Bush was clearly looking for some order and stability in life. He found it in his wife, Laura, a quiet, pretty librarian with a calm, sure manner. She was unfazed by the competitive frenzy of the Bush family. When the matriarch and chief-of-games, grandmother Dorothy, coolly eyed Laura at Walker?s Point and inquired, “What do you do?” Laura responded just as coolly, “I read.” Laura soon had Bush attending church suppers, and reportedly helped end his drinking by giving him a choice: “Jim Beam or me.” It may also be revealing that the man described as his “closest friend” today is a teetotaling, Bible-studying pillar of the community, Don Evans.
药学与生物工程学院研究生学生会编辑2011.6.14
10. Bush?s newfound faith did not squelch his natural irreverence. In church one Sunday, the congregation around him was distracted during the sermon by a beeping sound: he had been impatiently clocking the preacher with his watch. Bush has hardly rounded off all his rough edges. He still “bounces off the walls,” says a family friend, who adds, “Laura will say, ?Oh, George, will you just go for a run?? “ His own family understands that his sobriety has been a test of will. “He could easily be out of control,” his sister, Dorothy, told NEWSWEEK. “He has said that there is a fat person inside him who is trying to get out. He has tremendous discipline.” Bush has not entirely tamed his temper, and when his naturally squinty eyes narrow to slits, he can be surly. He has been known to snarl at reporters who have written unflattering pieces about the Bush family. 11. Bush has never stopped trying to please his father. Some friends believe that he quit drinking in part to avoid embarrassing his parents. At one dinner party at their home, an inebriated George W. supposedly turned to the matron at his side and inquired, “So, what?s sex like after 50?” When his father began gearing up to run for president in 1987, Bush moved his family to Washington to help. Within the campaign, he enforced loyalty to “the Man,” as he referred to his father, sometimes a little too hotly. He was well matched with Lee Atwater, the brilliant bad-boy political operative who masterminded Bush?s ?88 campaign, and whose subversive, edgy humor would have made him right at home in Bush?s crowd at Andover.
12. Though George Bush Sr. sometimes disapproved of his son?s footloose and, as he put it, “feisty” ways, he was patient about letting him find his own way and was intensely proud when he did. While he was being interviewed for the GOP video that will play at the convention this week, Bush Sr. was asked, “Are you proud of your boy?” President Bush began to cry and the camera had to be switched off. Both Bushes are sentimental men. Bush Jr. was intensely moved on the morning of his inauguration as governor of Texas when his father passed on to him the same cuff links his own father had given him after he won his Navy wings in 1943. As he recounted that story to Newsweek, George W.?s eyes filled with tears.
13. George Bush Sr. was always loving and trusting of his son. Yet one senses that their relationship has become more easygoing over time. As a boy, George W was too impatient to go fishing with his father for more than a few minutes. In his interview with Newsweek, Bush imitated his boyish restlessness on fishing expeditions with Dad: “There are no fish! Take me in!” Now he can float along for hours, talking politics and tapping his father?s experience and wisdom. George W. recently asked his father, “If someone says no, do they mean it?”
14. A couple of weeks ago Bush was chatting up reporters, as he does almost every day at the back of his campaign plane. “Were you drinking last night?” he greeted a female network producer he likes. “Why are you wearing dark glasses?” She just laughed. (He also teases her about her love life.) With a profile writer, he turned a question about his Harvard Business School experience into a riff about M.B.A.s. “We?re gonna get out the M.B.A. vote! M.B.A.s unite! M.B.A.s chain across America!” he cried, raising his fists in mock triumph. He deftly handled the press regulars, joking and teasing with them (he has nicknames for most, like “Panchito” for Frank Bruni of The New York Times). He was warm and funny and quick, and though the jaded reporters try not to like him, they do. Most family sagas peter out after a couple of generations. But the Bushes seem to carry on, each in his own way, joined by a certain goofy charm, a muted but powerful call to serve and a keen desire to win.
(from Newsweek, July 30, 2000)
药学与生物工程学院研究生学生会编辑2011.6.14
新世纪研究生公共英语教材阅读B 课文原文及翻译
